The lost purpose

As far as my desire for greatness reaches, so as my desire to escape the “trap” I have put myself into. For the past four years, I have been very eagerly blogging. And still for the past four years have I been telling complaints in my blogs, be it public or private, about the degree program I am presently enrolled in the University of the Philippines. It seems now that that was all I have been doing in my blogs–ranting . . . and endlessly. Then I realized, through my cherished everyday bus-ride silences, that there is one reason behind all those.

You might have tried reading the eternal and never-ending “No.1 Best-selling” (or seller) book of Rick Warren, The Purpose Driven Life. I, too, have tried for so many times, and failed during all those attempts. I mentioned it not because my inability to finish most things I have started (which is a fact) is the issue. I put it here because the first chapters of the book, which was all I get to real all the time, talk about finding your purpose. Finding one’s purpose, it now appears to me, is more than seeing what you will be in the future and taking all necessary steps to prepare you for doing a specific purpose; rather, it works the other way. You find a purpose to your life for you to find meaning for everything that happens, everything that you do. Your life’s purpose tells you that there is nothing wrong, that everything happens for a reason, and that (due to the lack of a better word) destiny works in ways unbeknownst still to humans.

I rant because I am not happy. I complain every time because I find it very taxing to accomplish all that I am asked to do with grace and, more importantly, passion. I have always been sad for not being able to make right choices when I was given all the chances to do so. I regret. And that was all my life has been–if onlys.

So what’s my point? (May I just say, I hate pointing out what I mean.) I have figured out a way to raise me from the dirt, to free me from the trap: until I find my lost purpose, and I know it is also looking for me, I will never stop complaining, ranting, and searching. After all, the best way to look for somebody is to yell for it out loud, so they can hear you, and acknowledge that you are looking for them. I’ll complain and complain and wait for the day that I’ll stop. The day that I find my purpose.